Heart Break

Today, we said goodbye to Nanny Mary who spent her last day formally caring for Kenzie. It will not be the last day that her heart breaks for this child, however. Many tears, refusals to look at one another, and heartbreaking hugs happened today. My own eyes well up just typing this.

Mary became so much more than a childcare provider to us. She, and her family, are now like part of our own. We made a decision to move to the Midwest to be back in the fold of our immediate families and to pursue a life without the stifling cost of living here in California. I will now be at home with our girl - and for that, it comes at the cost of a hurting heart for Mary.

I have worked with numerous at-risk families in the past. I've witnessed them losing their children to the system after cycles of abuse and neglect. Often that experience lacked emotion - not a single tear shed by the families!! The emotion that we saw within Mary was so sincere, loving and committted. It was beyond what I saw so many families demonstrate when they lost their own kids.

My heart is wounded too, as she has been nothing but kind and respectful to me - even when I could have been easier to get along with. She is so special to us, and I imagine Kenzie will realize her loss over the coming days. The separation was hard for Kenzie too (who apparently sensed something was "different" about today) - and she took a great while to calm down and fall of to sleep for her daily nap. She was talking to her Monkey & Mary, and I believe that she was professing her love for the both of them.

This blog was born to keep my family invested in Kenzie's daily activities. Ironically, I think it has a more avid following by people who aren't part of my family!! Surely, that will now include you (Mary, etc.)-- as I will indeed keep it alive just for that purpose. I also created a gallery of black & white pictures that Kenzie and I talked to every day - typically when she was getting ready for sleep. A picture of Kenzie with every family member was visible here and she knows them by name even though she might not see them every day. In our new home, we'll be adding this one:

Come visit soon, Mary. And this is my promise to both Kenzie and you - that this relationship is not over. We shall see you soon, after you relax in France for a bit -&-we adjust ourselves in a new home. I'm happy for modern conveniences like the webcam, phones, and email as we wish to honor our love for you with many happy updates. We love you!!