Potty training Kenzie-doodle style:

On Jan 11, 2007, at 12:15 PM, Java Jump wrote:

Hello! Congrats on the successful potty training. Can you spare any tips or hints? We are starting our two girls - 2.5 yrs- this week and I feel like I am walking around in the dark. I am a little nervous about it. One is showing more interest than the other, but I really thing they are up for it! Any advice would be great! Thanks, Sam.
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Posted by Java Jump to Kenzie's Doodles.... at 1/11/2007 10:07:43 AM

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This is for Java Jump Sam, whom asked about my potty-training tips. I don't have a blog or email address for you Sam - so here's what I did. Best wishes on your potty-training journey with your two girls! And, even though (through social work) I've been coaching families on the process for a good number of years - I was still intimidated by it too. I was expecting it to be an awful and tedious chore, but once again this little being surprised me. I hope you receive the same pleasant surprise (times two!). Thanks for your comment - and let me know how it goes!!!

Supplies:
1. First, if you haven't - find some old-school cloth potty training pants. I found them hard to find, but eventually found them at Target. Kenzie is 2.75, pretty big for her age, and the largest size is ...just barely large enough. If your children are larger than say 38 lbs. then these might not fit, and I don't know of any other suppliers. I do use regular undies too, but the formal potty-training pants are better at offsetting the catastrophy of potty soaked carpet. We've only had ONE accident since starting the "training." We were lucky. But, she was wearing regular underwear & it splattered all over the hardwoods & into the carpet. Yuk. Fortunately, we've had no mishaps with the #2 variety.

2. In my experience - you can skip all the other potty-training paraphernalia. I did buy a potty chair for each bathroom. Kenzie's been sitting on them and using them irregularly for a bunch of months. However, she's not a petite child and she really has to slide her bum back into an uncomfortable position to even make the hole! My chairs are the kind that are "convertible." They have a detachable stepstool bottom which is very useful. That would be the only part of them we use at this point!! The upper chair portion of our chairs could also insert on top of the toilet, and we used that for awhile. But, as I said....it was not conducive to comfort. And, an uncomfortable child is not going to be excited about potty training. I then saw a cushy Dora the Explorer insert and bought that. It was a hit --- for a day and a half. Kenzie apparently is most incented by being a "big girl." Big girls sit directly on the toilet seat, eh? So, unless you have really petite kids...I think the potty chairs are a silly investment. I've spent $100 bucks on that stuff. Silly, silly, silly. (oh, and a lot of families I visited (while social working) who had succumbed to the singing potty seats, princess throned potty seats, etc. - had always told me that they were overstimulating and distracting. Don't bother with them.) Not to mention - that having kids potty-training aids is a hassle for an adult - who also has to remove it from the toilet in order to use it themselves. Skip them unless you see specific reason not too.

A good potty book. Sit it by the potty for those..um...visits that might take awhile. They'll flip through the book until the urge arrives, rather than giving up too quickly.

I'd heard many positive antecdotes about the potty aiming game for boys - using cheerios as a target. Since Kenzie doesn't have the right equipment for that - I came up with simple positive reinforcements based on her favorite things. Make them simple, but something that will incent success. Kenzie attends story hour and gym classes that issue a stamp to the hand at the end. That's the most exciting part of the class to her. Therefore, I bought about 10 Little Mermaid character themed stamps (Non-toxic ink!) and sat them in a little box on the bathroom counter. If she successfully puts something in the potty. She gets a stamp on her hand. When she washes her hands, the last stamp comes off, so she doesn't end up being a stamped up mess. And...candy. I also have a package of M&M's on the sink. I did this to just encourage her to sit on the potty, regardless of successfully depositing anything.
Therefore - she sits on the potty: She gets an M&M. She "goes" on the potty: She gets an M&M and a stamp.

Now that we've been doing that for a few weeks, I only give her the incentives if she requests them, which is becoming less frequent. I'm kind of weaning her off of them. They worked like a gem in the beginning. Now, however, she realizes that nice clean underwear feel SO MUCH BETTER than a rotten stinking wet diaper. She just likes the feeling better now. She also wears a lot of princess attire & costumes each day. Suddenly she realizes that her favorite costumes might not be available if she potties on them! Natural and logical consequences (and incentives) are a fabulous teacher!!

Other ideas for incentives: A sticker chart. Make a special batch of extra small cookies. Earn a cookie for a potty. (actually, my kid gets very little sugar. So, sugar goes a long way in enticing her!) Or, a fun little collection of grab bag prizes (think dollar store. Hide them in a little bag, so they don't know what they're getting. This worked for a few of my old clients - whom had immense difficulty training older kids coming to them from the foster care system). Think immediate gratification though. Kids this age can't "get" the concept of earning a prize per week, per se....

My basic potty-training principles:
Day one, was the hardest for me. The parent has to remember what the goal is, after all. I took to setting a timer, to remind myself.. to remind her.. to go. :) Fortunately, I'm a quick learner and we didn't have to do that very long. Feed them encouraging reminders to let you know if they think they might have to go. After the second day - we don't even have to ask. She tells us as she dashes off to the potty. (again, we were very lucky!!!)

Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. Sing stupid songs. We shout HOOORAAAY! We give each other high fives and "knuckles." I just make a big deal out of it each and every time. She can't help but be excited.

Never shame a child for an accident. Never. Ever.

Use the potty first thing after naps and bedtimes. Get in there fast, before they naturally let it loose in the diaper. It's when you know that bladders are full. It's the easiest time for success.

I'm from the "don't force it" school of thought. I've read lots of research on the potty-topic over the years... There's so much on the medical perspective "don't miss the great magical and SMALL window of opportunity - or your child will fight you every step of the way!!" I have a friend of a just barely two year old that I feel so sorry for. She's completely chasing the child around asking him to potty every time he so much as wiggles his eyes in a way that suggests he might be thinking of going. The poor child can't play, can't enjoy himself without this incessant interruption. I don't know what the hurry is. I feel sorry for the child. I feel sorry for the Mom. The kid has been "training" for about three months now - & still isn't proficient. They actually have a Pavlov's dog kind of scenario. They say "potty" and he goes. Now, they're to the point where they just have to come in and get him and take him to the bathroom - without a whisper of the word "potty." What we have with this age-group is "mommy-training." Just my humble opinion. The child should be able to speak and be able to communicate their immediate needs. The child should also have the muscular ability to control their bladder - which does not happen until 18-24 months for MOST kids. I also have a few friends who held their newborn babies over potties and bowls. Um, those babies have been "mommy-trained" since infancy. I'm kind of a hippie in many ways too. I just say -- Let your child lead the way. And, you'll BOTH probably be a bit happier. Expect only what your child is capable of.

Oh. And hate to burst your bubble. But being potty-trained does bring some negatives:
1. They'll have to potty when it's least convenient. In the car. In a store without a public restroom. When you're out for a walk and 6 blocks from home. I revert to pull-ups, when there is chance of this. I can surmise that this is a very confusing message to kids. But, the 'do not shame' principal applies here. If you wish for some freedom from the endeavor, then the child has to have permission to regress where appropriate.
2. My daughter is a heavy night-time milk drinker. Cut off liquids early in the evening, well before bedtime. We use diapers and pull-ups for sleeping times, otherwise we'd have a mess of a bed. The thing is - she hates soiled diapers. She has woken us up in the middle of the night to change them a few times. Annoying, but what can you do?
3. Being potty-trained means having free access to a bathroom. If you haven't already - now is the time to think about switching to a big kid bed if you want a fully trained child. My kid is still in a cage (a.k.a. crib), only because I know she will deposit herself in my bed every night, or at least talk about it incessantly - when she has the ability to roam the halls. We plan to broach this transition soon - but, it's another I'm not excited about. (hopefully, it'll be another pleasant surprise?? And, I'm most definitely open to suggestions & tips on this topic!)

Whatever potty-training incentive you use -whatever timing you use - let's face it. They're all gonna get potty trained at some point! And, of course, this is just one humble Mama's opinion. I'm an expert on my child, but not yours. Do what you believe in - you can even proclaim me "nuts" if you want. And, most importantly - good luck! If just one little tidbit here helps you Sam, then it will be worth typing it ALL out!