I provoked... and was bitten by a rabid toddler

I'm thinking - A little honesty never hurt a blog.
I usually try to keep this a collective venue of positive yet truthful accounts for family and for Kenzie’s future review. Therefore, if I can’t say anything nice – I try not to say much at all. I simply don’t want Kenzie to feel embarrassed at a later date, wishing I hadn’t shared HER gory details with the world. Looking back on this weekend, I don’t have a whole lot of “nice” to say. So, I guess the moral to this particular story – (which is not about Kenzie’s challenges, but more of my own)... is that I hope Kenzie might read this post years from now and know that her Mama isn’t perfect. No body is. Days will be ugly. It’s OK to feel angry. It’s better if you can learn from your challenges – and boy, I’m trying...really hard.

I can’t say that Sunday came any where near making the scorecard of favorite experiences. I guess Saturday went okay, although Kenzie was having a seemingly “off” day. She did some yelling that didn’t seem to have any real trigger – but the day was fun as we visited our friends’ new baby, Ezra. We also went to a neighbor’s birthday party in the evening. Sunday night we went to the park. So, there WERE some nice things that happened this weekend.

However, Sunday-day, we were enmeshed in the normal chaos of doing the things we HAD to do, and Kenzie wasn’t totally cooperative. A realistic parent shouldn’t have expected her to be either (i.e. sweeping floors is only interesting to a toddler for about 3 square feet of living space). But, I can’t say that I’m proud of my own behavior on Sunday as having a toddler dangling from your legs while trying to multi-task gets a little frustrating. I used more angry faces and impatient voice tones than I typically have to. That starts to just make you feel...well, there isn’t any nice way to say it ...MEAN. Doug managed to remain cool throughout the weekend. Which makes you feel even meaner. And, to top it off I had a headache.

I am a Mama, a hard worker, a wife, and a crafty girl. Some days I think I am a genius at these things. Some days I think I’m really crappy at everything. Some days the inequities of parenting and stereotypical roles make me crazy. Some days I wonder where “ME” fits into all life. This weekend - Chores got done after great sufferance. And, why do the grocery stores insist on placing Toddler sized Elmo’s at the entrance of the store anyway?

Anyway that was my Sunday. Housework, chores and anger. And a red welt on my inner thigh, which is indicative of how much Kenzie enjoyed the day too. I wonder who said: "Life is like a jigsaw puzzle... But you don't have the picture on the front of the box to know what it's suppose to look like. Sometimes you're not even sure if you have all the pieces." I've kind of turned that into a mantra for myself. On Sunday, however, I think I must have knocked the puzzle over when furiously pushing my broom about the room....

Fortunately, Monday morning, my heart has changed. Packing Kenzie up to go with Nanny Mary made me feel forlorn. She was smiley and absolutely charming this morning. Although I would have gnawed my right arm off for a few minutes alone on Sunday...this morning I really wanted to keep her home and treasure her. Maybe it’s guilt. Maybe it’s because I have to work today. But, I really wish we could do Sunday over...